Sunday, April 20, 2014

Q is for Quietly Missing Someone You Shouldn't

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I've been debating whether or not to write this post for a while now. It originally came to me when I was first planning my A to Z posts. I've tried to come up with something else to replace it, but for whatever reason I couldn't think of anything. That's not to say that I'm convinced that's a good enough reason to post this anyways. But, well. Here I go.

Over a year ago, I met this guy. I'd known who he was, of course. He was the kind of person most people seemed to know for one reason or another. Back then, he was just a name to me. Paired with another name, of a girl I knew of but didn't know.

I met him officially in the beginning of my sophomore year. We had Spanish and PE together. I can't say what exactly got us talking to each other. We met randomly in the halls because I was with my friend when he walked by. He said hi to her and hugged her. Said hi to me and hugged me, even though I'm not sure he knew who I was back then.

Anyways, after that encounter, we started talking somehow. Random small talk here and there. Mostly in Spanish class because he sat behind me. (And chatting with a guy in PE is just wrong on so many levels.) Sometime in November I got his number and we started texting. Not very consistently, but he would reply eventually. Sometimes he would text me first. He called me once - totally random five minute phone call, if that.

The thing that started it all, though, was some random day at 11:11 am. I don't know if you know, but  11:11 is the time people make wishes. Whether it's only pm, or am works, too, I cannot say. I'm convinced it's only pm that works because the one wish I know that was made at 11:11 am - well I'll get to that.

On that day, he told me to make a wish. I refused, saying I didn't know what to wish for. He said, fine. I'll make one for you. I waited a while and asked him what he wished for. He refused to tell me.

For the longest time he refused to tell me. I would keep asking, but to no avail.

In December I finally got my answer. Apparently it was something about how my boyfriend was lucky to have me and he hoped he and I could be friends for a long time.

He never said it out loud, so I'm convinced it's because this wish was made at 11:11 am. Needless to say, our friendship did not last long.

I got him to admit that he had feelings for me, and I confessed that I probably liked him more than I should. But it was pretty clear nothing would happen - I had/have a boyfriend. And he got over me soon anyways. I had hoped everything could go back to normal. But something had changed. For me, it was the fact that my boyfriend didn't exactly trust me. I never did anything, but I guess he thought I would. Make of that what you will.

But my friend and I basically stopped talking after that. Sure, every now and then. Once I even thought we could go back to talking during Spanish class. But the teacher decided to move us all around, so there was another thing keeping us from talking.

This was a over a year ago. More recently, he got a girlfriend that he's still with. He refuses to reply to my texts. Mostly ignores me in person. Except for a few times where he basically forced small talk out of me. Needless to say, I was rather uncomfortable. Who is he to decide when we should and shouldn't talk?

There's plenty of other stuff that I won't get into here. Point being is that he's caused a little too much drama for my taste. But I still find myself missing him. Because I thought we could be friends, you know? Not even best friends, or anything. Just close enough for him to tell me when he gets a freakin girlfriend, or that he may or may not want to break up with her. Is that too much? I'm asking for too much.

Truth is, I loved having a guy friend that was just a friend. For a while that was my boyfriend. We were friends for a while before he asked me out. And don't get me wrong, I love him. He's still my best friend. I wasn't hoping for anything like that ever again. But this guy... I wouldn't have minded something similar, you know?

Anyways. My boyfriend doesn't like hearing about him, for obvious reasons. Therefore my rant is here. And if you've made it this far, congrats!

Sorry for the long post.

Have a nice day you guys!


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