Thursday, December 19, 2013

Life of a Blogger (2)


This is a feature created by Jessi over at Novel Heartbeat. Each week there will be a non-book-related topic that we can discuss. This is to give us a chance to get to know each other better(:
This week's topic is

Significant Others

Okay, so this is kind of a weird topic for me. I feel like I've gone over this story WAY to many times in my head. But, honestly, I still can't  believe it.
I won't reveal names. I always feel really weird doing that, because, well. Maybe it's just me, but I feel weird talking about people online and they don't even know I'm talking about them. So anonymous they shall remain.
As for my significant other, well... He goes  by a nickname. Only his family actually calls him by his real name. For as long as I've known him, I've known him by his nickname
The story is weird, but it is what it is.
It's also long, so leave while you can.
(I've decided to take advantage of this rare opportunity...)

We met in seventh grade pre-algebra. By accident. See, I was sitting next to this one girl, but she always went to sit next to her friend. Gemo, who was supposed to sit there, was now out of a seat. So he took the empty seat next to me. Sounds all sweet and stuff, right?
Yeah, he and his friend who sat on the other side of me would always ask me to move. Me, being, well, me, refused. Instead, I listened to them talk around me and every now and then I would make some comment. It's not in my nature to butt into other people's conversations, so I was totally fine just listening to them talk. Some time later my friends tried to get me to sit near them. I refused, on the grounds that I didn't want to get caught out of my seat. Yeah, I think we all know that was a lie. I just didn't want to miss their conversations.
So, skip ahead to eighth grade. Because nothing ever came out of those moments in math class.
It's March. I like this other guy, and he likes me back. Problem? He liked me way more than I liked him.
So after insensitively ending that relationship, I was totally ready to move on. I started liking yet another guy. A friend of Gemo. And speaking of Gemo, he's now with my best friend.
Yup. Let that sink in.
Now don't judge me and let me continue.
He's with my best friend. I like his friend. So my best friend convinces him to give me his friends number. Yes, I'm aware that I was a creep. You do stupid shit when you're thirteen. Or, at least, I did.
Anyways, I got the number, but nothing ever really came from the few text conversations I had with the guy.
So in May, I send Gemo a message on Facebook. It's just a really random "hi" and I don't really expect a reply, but I get one a couple minutes later. A pleasant surprise, but a nerve-wracking one. I'm not really good with people, so I'm totally surprised that I managed to have a casual conversation with the guy. He recognized that I was weird, but not in a bad way. This was a very very VERY good thing. But I didn't realize it until later how much it meant to me.
We talked on Facebook every now and then. Random stuff about our day, about my crush on his friend, blah blah. Everything's all fine and dandy. And because this is my story, I can tell you something I've never even told him.
In the beginning of June, my best friend told me that she was considering breaking up with Gemo.
I did not take this seriously. She said it casually and brushed it off easily. So I didn't think much of it. And what could I have done anyways? I wasn't that close to him. We'd only been talking a few weeks. The topic died and I assumed that meant she wouldn't do anything.
It's the end of June. There's talk about the eighth grade dance and Knott's Berry Farm field trip.
I'm talking to Gemo pretty much every day on Facebook, because I don't see him in school.

Mini story: 
One day I asked him if he was going to the dance. He said yeah, with my friend if she could go. I was like, cool, and mentioned something about going alone. Gemo: Nobody asked you? Me: Nope. Gemo: Really? I kind of expected someone to. Me: Why? Gemo: Because you're cool. Me: Apparently no one thinks I'm cool enough to ask. Gemo: Well if my girlfriend doesn't go, do you want to go with me?

A few days after that conversation, my friend breaks up with him. It's the end of June, about a week or two of school left.
I have no idea what to do. I don't know why it ended, how much he liked her, etc. So when he plays it cool, I do, too.
We technically go to the dance together, but I see him for two minutes max and we go off to our own friends.
Summer comes and with it, Gemo's phone number. So now we're texting instead of messaging on Facebook. And I still have yet to talk to him in person.
But for now, that doesn't matter. We're texting every day, talking about random things. Eventually it gets to the point where I start to trust him with my issues. And he slowly reveals his.
I don't know how real love can be in middle school. Hell, I don't even know how real it can be in high school. But whether that was real love or not is not something I can judge. I never knew much about his relationship with my friend. I never asked, he never told. I do know what he was like after the break up though. I knew that he was heartbroken, but I never knew the full extent until we actually got together. But during the summer, I saw glimpses. And it was enough to break my own heart.
Which I suppose were warning bells, but I pushed them aside.
I don't know when he tried asking her out again, but I do know the day he told me about it. And I remember feeling so stupid. I can't remember the conversation exactly, but it started with: Can I tell you something?
And I guess, somewhere deep inside of me, I wanted him to realize I was the girl for him.
But instead he told me about how he missed my friend.
By the middle of summer, I noticed that our late night conversations were being interrupted. By none other than a girl I will not name, because I never liked her. But Gemo liked her. So while I was waiting for him to reply, I got to think about how he was probably flirting with her on the phone. And then it would be confirmed when I asked him what was up.
Needless to say, my issues deepened a bit that summer. Enough so that Gemo finally noticed. Not that he knew why, because I wouldn't even admit it to myself. But he knew and he didn't leave.
When school started, I had already decided he was my best friend. But on that first day of high school, I had no idea how to talk to this guy I'd only talked to via text and FB messages.
It was surreal at first, but after a couple months, we reached normalcy yet again.
And then he got with the girl.
(If it helps, he at least mentioned it before he did. Not that he told me when he did.)
And then the girl broke up with him.
I don't know her personally, so I can't really say anything. But I can say that she hurt my best friend and that was not cool. At all. Now I had to help him through another break up.
Insult to injury, to be honest.
I had literally just declared myself his virtual older sister. For. No. Reason. Because that relationship didn't last. And now I was stuck in a place much worse than the friend zone.
And it was all my fault.
It's December now. I have a crush on some guy in my Bio and English class. I attempt to talk to him, but again, I'm not good with people. It backfires awfully in February-ish. This guy was friends with a lot of my friends. And apparently he was texting one of my supposed friends and complaining that I had a crush on him.
Yeah. Wish that hadn't happened.
But anyways. After that, I kind of give up.

Do you know what happens when you give up?
In March, a guy named George, who is just a friend, decides he wants to ask you out.
And you spend a couple weeks trying to figure out how to let him down easy. He suspects that you like Gemo right away. Because he's your friend, and he's an artist, so he's observant.
You deny it, but still cannot go out with George.

So of course I tell Gemo about all of this. I don't remember how those conversations went, but he was no help at all. And not even a hint of jealously. Eventually I do politely tell George no because I'm not ready for a relationship and a bunch of other stuff that was certainly true enough.

So now it's April. My quince was coming up. Guess who decided he can't go after all?
Yes, it sucked. A lot. I still had fun, but I wonder what it would have been like if he had gone.
I wonder if he would've started flirting with me sooner or later.
My quince was the first day of spring break, the Saturday after school was out. After the party, I spent a few days with my aunt and sister in San Diego. And that is when the flirting began. During the summer, he had tried teaching me how to flirt, but to no avail.
And now we were flirting like crazy.
Silly me, I thought he meant the things he said. So I was sad when I realized we were still just "brother and sister"
I tried to get over it, but I lasted about a week before finally working up the nerve to finally tell him.

Basically it went something like this:
I mentioned that we weren't really related
I asked him if he thought we could ever be more than just friends
He said, no. It's too weird.
I asked, you've never thought about it?
He says he tries not to because it's too weird.
I ask, please think about it?
He says he will.
And I guess he did.

The next couple weeks were confusing. Every time I thought I figured out how he felt about me, something would happen and I would doubt myself again. We would kind of flirt, and then it would end. He would tell me I'm beautiful and amazing and nothing else would happen.

Once, his ex-girlfriend (the ones I was friends with, not the one I didn't like) told me that she was single again (she had at least three other guys between Gemo and the time she told me this). And that when she told Gemo, he was like, not for long. She told me that she was afraid he was going to ask her out again.
Heartbreaking moment?  A little bit. Clearly she had no idea what was going on between me and Gemo. I was afraid that meant nothing was going on.

It's nearing the end of April, and I'm working on a project, texting him.
We're talking about us being together. For the first time, we really talk about it. I explain it all: I care about him a lot, he's my best friend and he means everything to me. I confess to him: I wonder what it'd be like to kiss you.
He tells me he's wondered that, too.
Stupid me, I thought that finally settled it.
Apparently it did not.
I tried to get my friend (totally different one than I've mentioned before) to find out who he likes. He won't tell her. She thinks it's me though.
I try not to get my hopes up.

Second to last weekend of April
Me: So who do you like?
Gemo: You'll find out soon

April 24:
We're flirting. For reals this time.

April 25:
When I see him before second period, he tells me that he wants to talk to me at snack. I'm scared and excited. I think I know what's coming, but still, I try not to get my hopes up.

At snack, my friends kind of keep us from talking to each other.

I don't see him again until he walks me to sixth period.

We're walking, but instead of parting ways, we stop for a second.
Me: So what did you want to ask me?
Gemo: I think you know.
Me: Tell me just in case?

So he asks me if I want to be his girlfriend.
And me, being, well, me, I say maybe.
I regret it the second I say it, but he asks me, does that mean yes?
And finally I say, yes.

I've been with him for a year and almost eight months.

He's the best thing that ever happened to me.
It's gotten tough a few times. Mostly because of old demons that resurface every now and then. It's hard at times. But it's worth it. I don't know how real love is in high school, but...
I love him. I'm a pretty independent person. And because of his bad history with relationships, he's a little paranoid at times.
If it doesn't sound like a good mix, it's because it's really not.
But he's sweet, and funny, and weird. And no, he doesn't get my book obsession, but he humors me. He'll let me rant and fangirl. He's just always there for me, and I love that. I love that he gets me in a way no one else does. I miss him like crazy most of the time, because I rarely see him in person.

If you've made it this far, congrats.
I don't really expect you to.  I mostly wrote this for myself. It's my way to face everything that has happened. For the last time, hopefully. It's long and complicated.

So if you have any idea how to shorten it, let me know. When someone asks me how I met him, I don't want to relive it all over again. Aha.

Have a good day, you guys.
If you have a super long story you're dying to tell about your significant other... Boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, whatever.
I'd love to read it.

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  1. I read it, the whole thing. I'm definitely not judging, because I've been through my share of that kind of thing when I was younger! Life is messy sometimes. Love isn't always perfect, but it's a beautiful disaster :)

    1. I definitely have to agree. Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read it(:


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