Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Very First Thing I Ever Wrote

4 comments:
 
So, I officially started writing back in fourth grade. Inspiration comes in the strangest places. Mine come from absolutely nothing in particular. I remember I came up with this after I got out of the shower. I was drying my face and I swore I saw this playing over and over in my head:

Even though she couldn’t speak with her mouth her eyes spoke for her.
As I looked into her eyes I could understand right away what she was trying to say.
Help please, Annabelle, help me!
I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to show her, somehow, what she meant to me.
She was my best friend in the hardest time of my life. How could I let her just slip away from me like this without at least saying, “Thank you.”
“Samantha, you’re the best. Thank you … for everything.”
“You’re welcome, Annabelle, you’re welcome…”
And that was it. She used the last of her strength to say that. And yet I still couldn’t thank her enough. If only she knew (or maybe she did know) how much she meant to me.

It's not the best thing I've ever written. Honestly, I think the dialogue was poor. The scene wasn't descriptive enough. Who are they? What's happening? Where are they? When is it? WHY? HOW? You see? It could have been much better. But, hey, I was nine. I was just starting to write. I would have written it like this:

She was lying, weak, on the bed. The hospital room was bright, strangely cheery. All an illusion. It was hard to feel it's affect (effect?) when your best friend is dying. She kept a steady gaze on me. She couldn't talk. But it didn't matter. Her eyes spoke for her. Help, they said. Yet, they were calm, as if they had already accepted what was to come. As if it was inevitable.
And it was. There was no help for her.
But, still. I struggled to find something to say to her. Something that could sum up how much she had helped me in the past two years. How much she had meant to me.
I sat down lightly beside her limp form on the hospital bed. She was still staring at me.
I whispered softly. "Thank you, Sam. You don't know how much you meant to me." I used to past tense on accident. But there was no point pretending that she would still live.
She nodded weakly. Her eyes saying, I know.... They dimmed. The light going out for a second before coming back. "What's it like?" I couldn't help but ask.
Her eyes flickered to one of the light bulbs in the middle of the room. Her hands grasped the control on the bedside table. Dimmed the light, slowly. Just before it went out completely, she smiled and put the control back on the table. Because it was so dark, I couldn't see her die.
But I felt it.
A strange absence. An ending.
Or maybe a new beginning.

Well, that's a bit better. Don't you think?
Please comment. I'd appreciate it.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

4 comments:

  1. I didn't realize you were such a writer! That's very good. All of your reading has been paying off in influencing your talent.

    Why don't you take part in the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge? You can still get in and for that matter even catch up on the letters that you have missed. There is a 14 year old who is participating and several college students. It's just 1 short post everyday. Read about it after you click on the link and if you want to do it let me know and I'll put your name up. You can get to know a lot of nice bloggers and you will gain followers more quickly.
    Let me know.
    Tio Lee

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was thinking about participating. That actually sounds like a good idea. I think I will. And thanks. I love writing, which is what inspired this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I set up both of your blogs to participate. Start posting entries for the letters and comment on the blogs of the other participants so they will know you are there and will come look at your posts. Follow their blogs and they will usually follow yours.
    Tio Lee

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by! I do read every comment and I reply to all the ones that elicit some sort of response. So if you want, you can check back in a couple days to see if I replied.(:

 
© 2012. Design by Main-Blogger - Blogger Template and Blogging Stuff